I always feel better after a shower, but I don’t like starting with a shower because I don’t want time to go on. I want to hide and pretend that the past three years have not happened. That people are alive, that my relationship still has hope, and the world is still my oyster.
But they aren’t, and its hollow, and its not.
Finished my first appointment with a nutritionist. We came up with a meal plan for an elimination diet which I’ll start in January. In the mean time I’m going to play with the suggestions so I can try out meals and hopefully not feel overwhelmed when I actually do it.
I’ll be meeting with her the first week of January to go over things when I start the diet, and then the last week of the month to start reintroducing foods.
Overall the appointment was informative. It was two hours long; we went over my history with eating, my medical in regards to digestion, and my goals for doing this. We went over foods, why certain foods may be setting me off versus others. I showed her my suspected eczema - which primarily covers my torso. Her eyes widened when she saw it. It will be interesting to see if it diminishes during the elimination diet or not.
My body is so annoying. We’ve had the foster for only a week and I’m already crashing so hard. I know it’s from the stress of having two dogs and it makes me so sad.
I’m also frustrated with PG because of her barking. Its always been an issue but since getting the foster it’s gotten worse. She does it when she’s excited, when jealous, when he does something wrong/gets scolded (it looks like she’s tattling on him or defending him), she’ll bark because he barked but unlike him she continues and eventually he starts again (which prolongs her barking).
The rough housing I can deal with, but her high pitched barking grinds on my nerves. And she gets herself so worked up, forget about giving her a command. She makes it hard to give the foster commands because she distracts him to play or distracts me because of barking.
I have no clue how to tell her to stay, tell him to come and not have her follow. When I correct her she gets annoyed and barks at me - like always.
My body is crashing. Thankfully my sinuses held together for the night, because the previous two I had to sleep part of the night without my vent.
There’s things I want to do today but I’m not sure if I’m leaving the house. Not this morning at least …
Wanted to give an update about my application to foster dogs.
I was approved and we picked up our first dog on Tuesday. He’s a sweetheart who immediately took well to our dog; I’ll call her PG for “pretty girl.”
PG was a little confused when she realized he was staying overnight, but because of changes we made to our routine we haven’t had an issue since the second day. They’ve really taken to each other which makes my heart melt. Tonight they were practically cuddling! She let the foster lay so close he could lick her face.
She’s going to miss him when he leaves. She enjoys having a play buddy immensely, and this is the first time I haven’t worried about her not getting walked enough because playing with him tires her out so much. Today I was gone for most of the day so he was in his crate, and when I got home she was waiting for me to let him out.
So I took a big step towards something that I’ve wanted to do for a couple years. If everything pans out our dog will have a furry foster brother next week.
Went for my monthly massage and afterwords talked to him about these patches of dry skin I have. He said to try eliminating processed foods, milk, and meat.
I’ve already eliminated processed foods, the only time I drink milk is with cereal or oatmeal - so maybe a cup a day? I rarely eat meat because of my stomach.
I went to an urgent care place a couple weeks ago about them and they said it was eczema, which my masseuse agreed.
I wonder if the reduction in stomach acid could have changed how my body reacts to food? Or it could be the medication, though I can’t find anything online contacting it to eczema.
I have appointments with my GP amd gastroenterologist in a couple months, so till then I’m keeping an eye on things.
I was so good yesterday with food! I had a small bowl of cereal for breakfast, two pieces of peanut butter toast for lunch and a small bowl of rice noodles and seasoned shrimp.
Yes, that is the title of this entry. Because that’s how I feel.
It’s been a long while since my boyfriend and I went on an adventure, so we talked about going on a trip this year since we both have vacation time. But freaking stuff keeps coming up!!
Our plans to visit family fell through. Decide to visit a town we’ve always wanted to see, I finally get him to agree on dates because he already took the time off but I apparently have something on my calendar that can’t be rescheduled. F*cking hell!
I’m home and my brain is fried. Also felt like someone took my batteries out two hours ago and my body is all … “your home - goodbye”
Haven’t taken my meds since Saturday, so not doing well on that front.
For the first time in a long time I had gas related stomach pains. We had pizza for dinner and my stomach got hard as a rock, then after an hour or so I had this throbbing pain on the sides of my stomach.
Pizza’s one of things I shouldn’t eat anymore, but I suck at this whole “changing my diet” thing.
So since my stomach is messed up again (it was finally not messed up yesterday…) I’ve decided to postpone my three hour road trip to tomorrow.
Part of me wishes I had my Vivosmart before I changed ventilators so I could compare.
I have to do more research to understand what I’m seeing, but I’m confused by how little deep sleep I get. I thought deep sleep is when your body recharges - it doesn’t seem like I get a lot of it yet I feel well rested. A part of why I changed ventilators is because I was no longer feeling rested after a night’s sleep - the settings weren’t working anymore and since the model was so old we decided it was a good time to update.
Since I was dog sitting over the weekend I decided to skip the gym on Sunday. Not exactly disappointed with myself because I know my limits, but I also want to hold myself accountable.
So this is me holding myself accountable.
Had an appointment with my gastroenterologist today and he’s thinking I have gastroparesis - basically my stomach doesn’t empty well. I have to go for a gastric emptying test.
He was glad to hear the Prilosec has improved my bloating and appetite. Since it’s not meant to be a long term med, once we get my symptoms under control he’ll be tapering me off it and we’ll manage it in other ways.
He was saying about eating smaller, light meals through out the day. Basically, I need to rebuild my childhood eating habits. Habits that I destroyed when I was in college.
